I believe! Help my unbelief!

About a month ago, a friend of a friend reached out to me. She was going through a scary medical issue and asked the question "how do I trust God in this?" As I typed out my response, I found I was not just trying to answer her, but also answer the questions in my own heart. I was preaching to myself and suddenly realized how much I wasn't trusting God in some specific areas. Here are some imperfect steps I've found myself going through when realizing I'm not trusting. I hope they encourage you in your trust of Him.

To start with, it's sneaky - mistrust. I think I've nailed it in one area or topic in my life and then BOOM - there it is again. How come I have to keep revisiting this topic!? Mistrust, or not trusting, can disguise itself as so many things- the need for control, the need to plan and prepare, inflexibility, the desire for comfortability, etc. The need for control, for instance, will look different from season to season and that's why, at least for me, I don't always recognize it.

We must learn to recognize when we are not trusting in God. It could look like constantly worrying, not being able to stop thinking about something, a deep heaviness in your stomach or heart, increased irritability, inability to focus on God or even want to think about Him, excessive busyness. I think back to previous instances when I became aware that I was not trusting in Him - what was I doing and thinking? What were my internal thoughts at that time? For me, it's usually that I haven't been in the Word, that I haven't been praying. That it's been more about me and much less about Him.

Once I've determined that I haven't been trusting...how do I start trusting?

First: "Be still and know that I am God; I am exalted among the nations. I am exalted among the people." (Psalm 46:10)

I think it's important to read this verse in its entirety, not just the "Be still and know" part. This is because this verse is not about us, it's about Him. We are still because He is to be exalted. We want to know Him, because He deserves to be honored and glorified. We don't do it to seek answers for ourselves. We do it for HIM. Because of HIM. To Him. Just that slight adjustment to my thinking helps remind me that this is not about me, it is about Him. Sure, I'm feeling affected, I may be suffering...but as I look to Him - the Spirit works to shift my thinking to "how can this exalt Him? How can this honor Him?"

Second - Remind yourself who God is. Meditate on His attributes and character. It's a whole lot easier to trust someone you know rather than someone you don't know. And because we all can come up with what we THINK God is, go to your Bible - because that's what God uses to tell us who He is. There are some great resources out there that list the attributes of God and the location in Scripture to study more. Do some googling.

Third - Pray! It may seem simple, but we are to ask God. Ask Him to help you trust. To desire His way and not your way. This is where you cry out "I believe, help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24). You may be at the point where the situation is so bad, there is just no way out of it, no way God could change anything. He can help you in your unbelief. Ask Him. Nothing is impossible for Him (Matthew 19:26). He is working things out in a way that may be different from what you think it should be, but I guarantee you (because He does) that it is for His glory and your good. (Romans 8:28).

Fourth- Take those thoughts captive (2 Cor 10:5). Don't let your imagination run away with you. If you think something scary or something that makes you worry - stop that chain of thinking and take it to Scripture. Ask "What does God say about this?" "What does God ask me to do with this/in this situation?" A lot of times, it will be become clear that you are worrying (i.e. not trusting in Him). Confess that to Him. Remind yourself again of His character, His faithfulness and why you can trust in Him.

Fifth- Praise Him! In a hard trial or weary season, it's easy to be more aware of what's going wrong, what "needs" to change. Start listing out things you can thank God for - it may be the smallest of small things to you: "thank you for waking me up this morning, thank you for the sun shining/the rain falling, thank you for coffee," Those "small" things mean something! Thank and praise Him for the work you see Him doing...and I bet you'll start seeing more and more of the work He is doing. And guess what? You'll start trusting Him more in your situation because you see the work that He is doing and can trust Him to continue doing work in your life! It's this pretty awesome cycle my friend.


I find this process helps me- there's probably a bunch more little "steps" and tangents my heart and mind go on, but I think this captures the jist.

I don't intend these steps I share to be trite - there are some horrific situations you might find yourself in and I absolutely understand that trust will not come easily. Please know that you are seen in your situation and that you are not alone. There's no time expectation for learning to trust - His timing is perfect. My encouragement is to not despair, but to continue to press into Him, to seek Him. It is a work of obedience on our parts and mercy and grace on His to bring about increased trust in Him. 

For those that are in Christ, we can rejoice in this:

 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine."

Isaiah 43:1

New Normal

Wow. It's been over a year since I've blogged. This isn't a catch-up post. The past year was a whole lot of figuring stuff out, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. Ups and downs, a true roller coaster.

So here I am a year later. I think am fully into what I can call my "new normal." I use this phrase a lot when talking to folks dealing with grief and/or major life changes (I didn't invent the phrase). It's so helpful...with huge life changes, whether sad or happy, what you used to call "normal" for you doesn't apply any more and you don't want to say it, because it reminds of you of what isn't normal any more. "New normal" helps ease into the changes that have happened. For some reason, at least for me, it makes it more palatable. Most of the time.

A doctor used it on me yesterday and I wasn't happy to hear it. For MONTHS and MONTHS I've been getting bad headaches (different than my constant head pain) and more migraines than usual (I've gotten migraines since I was 8 but they had really settled down as I got older and now they are back much too frequently for my tastes). And I've been dealing with sinus stuff again. After a couple of rounds of antibiotics and steroids, I went to my ENT yesterday to see what we could do. After some great discussion and examination, she announced that what I was dealing with was an irritated trigeminal nerve...it's close to my sinuses and with all the inflammation, it's super mad and causing my headaches. Flash back to a year ago when I thought some CNS lupus was flaring and it ended up being another sinus nerve (can't remember it's name) that was irritated and make the back of my neck and head super angry.

I looked at the doc and said "I never used to have these issues. Does meningitis cause this?" Her answer, "Yes, and it can heal/reverse, it can take up to a year. Since yours was over two years ago, I'm afraid this is your new normal."

Thanks doc. So I get to keep popping a ton of ibuprofen every day for awhile until the nerves chill out. And the options for nerve chilling out meds are things I've already tried a couple of years ago and they make me feel groggy and stupid so I'm not going to try those again.

Meningitis stinks.

But, I have to say, I am so thankful for the new normal I'm living. My residual/remaining meningitis caused head pain and lupus serositis pain is well managed. I'm not taking heavy narcotics anymore. In fact, my med list is as short as it was before the meningitis-trigger-lupus-nightmare of 2016! Huge praise.  My disease is being managed pretty well, and I have energy right now, and I am totally taking advantage of that! And we've got some pretty exciting things stirring over here in the Flinchum household (more to come on that in a bit...).

But I have my moments when I look back and want the old normal back. I miss my health, I miss working at NASA. And yet, I love the opportunities I am having now. Back and forth, back and forth. I don't like being discontented. It's uncomfortable. I want to leave that feeling behind, that feeling that I'm missing out on something...I can totally be the Israelite who wanted to go back to Egypt after being led by God through the Red Sea.

I'm learning that when you want to put off something, you have to put on something else...just saying "bad feelings, be away with you!" and leaving it at that makes room for all sorts of other bad things to fill the gap...such as relying on my own strength and not the Lord's.

You see, in order for me to put off anything, I must put on something that is stronger, more true, more faithful than whatever it is I want to put off. And you guessed it, the most strong, true, and faithful source is God. So for me, putting off discontentment means putting on trust, trust in Him and His faithfulness that through EVERY thing, He is working, He is there.

What do you need to put off...and what will you put on?