Growing Hinds Feet

I just finished reading this phenomenal book called "Hinds Feet on High Places." It is about a woman named Much Afraid who has a physical disability (she has crooked feet). She is on a journey to the High Places to live with the Great Shepherd. Her companions on her journey are Sorrow and Suffering and as she travels, she encounters people who would like to distract her from her journey. These people are named Fear, Self-Pity, Bitterness, Pride, and Resentment. Along this journey, the Great Shepherd promises to change her crooked feet into feet (Hinds Feet) that will be able to run and bound all through the High Places.

Holy-a-bazillion-lessons-learned-and-tons-of-encouragement-received-Batman.

You all should just start calling me Much Afraid, because I am SO her. At first, Much Afraid is frightened by her companions, Sorrow and Suffering, they seem forbidding and scary. But then, she starts to see how helpful they are at teaching her things and helping her through some of the challenges she encounters. They strengthen her and guide her, and they eventually all become friends. I can relate so well to Much Afraid here. Sometimes I stare into the face of the next wave of pain and think "there is no way I can do this." And I want to give up. And then, the remembrance comes of a past sorrow or suffering and how I thought I couldn't get through that, and I did, by His grace. And I think on what helped then, and apply it to my current situation. Sometimes I do that consciously, sometimes, I am too afraid to think straight and it happens anyway, a Scripture verse, a past encouragement from a friend, something will pop into my mind and it will pull me back from the edge and suddenly, I know I can handle what is ahead. I don't know how I will handle it, but I have a peace that He will give me the strength to handle it.

There is a part in the book that made me cry with the truth of it and how well I could relate. Much Afraid and her companions are taking shelter in a small hut in the Forests of Danger and Tribulation while a massive storm rages outside. As Much Afraid sits inside, thinking over her journey so far, she has the following thought:

"It seemed as though her senses had been quickened in some extraordinary way, enabling her to enjoy ever detail of her life; so that although her companions actually were Sorrow and Suffering, she often felt an almost inexplicable joy and pleasure at the same time. This would happen when she looked at the bright, crackling flames in the log fire, or listened to the sounds of lashing rain overhead emphasizing the safety and peace within the hut, or when she saw through the window the tossing trees waving their arms against a background of scurrying clouds or lightning-rent sky. Or again, very early before daybreak, when she saw the morning start shining serenely through a rift in the clouds or heard the clear jubilant note of a bird during a lull in the storm."

Over the past, well, going on 2.5 years now, I feel that MY senses have been quickened. I notice and appreciate things in life that I never would have noticed before - part of it is learning how much I take certain things for granted, but it's more than that too.  The joy and elation I receive from seemingly simple experiences like having dinner with a good friend and talking about everything under the moon for hours or my friend's little girl running up to me at church to greet me and cling to my leg or chatting and laughing with my coworker or talking with my nephews on FaceTime or hearing about what the Lord is doing in a friend's life. All of these things seem so much sweeter to me these days and I am so thankful for the ability to appreciate these seemingly simple experiences in a deeper way. It's hard to define in words, but it is such a deep rooted feeling of happiness and contentment that I start grinning pretty idiotically when I think about it :). 

How in the world can I feel like that when I am physically and sometimes, emotionally, suffering? I can only point to Him, because I know I am not capable of being THAT optimistic or positive about things. And then I start thinking about how He provides for me, and that feeling of deep rooted joy just grows. What have I done to deserve such a blessing? Nothing. Yet He loves me so much that He chooses to teach me and bless me. I'm discovering that although the lessons may seem hard, and even insurmountable at times, there is always something good in the lesson. It's packaging may be different than what I expected, but I am finding that if I wait, and pay attention, and trust, the good starts to unfold, sometimes small, and sometimes astounding in its greatness. I wouldn't trade all the difficulty of these lessons for what I have learned through them.

So this journey continues, with companions that I may not have chosen for myself, but I trust that He has chosen them to help me grow my hinds feet.

Psalm 16

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. 

I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord;

I have no good apart from you."

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,

in whom is all my delight

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;

their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out 

or take their names on my lips.

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;

you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;

in the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me;

because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

my flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,

or let your holy one see corruption

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

at your right hand are pleasures forevermore