New Normal

Wow. It's been over a year since I've blogged. This isn't a catch-up post. The past year was a whole lot of figuring stuff out, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. Ups and downs, a true roller coaster.

So here I am a year later. I think am fully into what I can call my "new normal." I use this phrase a lot when talking to folks dealing with grief and/or major life changes (I didn't invent the phrase). It's so helpful...with huge life changes, whether sad or happy, what you used to call "normal" for you doesn't apply any more and you don't want to say it, because it reminds of you of what isn't normal any more. "New normal" helps ease into the changes that have happened. For some reason, at least for me, it makes it more palatable. Most of the time.

A doctor used it on me yesterday and I wasn't happy to hear it. For MONTHS and MONTHS I've been getting bad headaches (different than my constant head pain) and more migraines than usual (I've gotten migraines since I was 8 but they had really settled down as I got older and now they are back much too frequently for my tastes). And I've been dealing with sinus stuff again. After a couple of rounds of antibiotics and steroids, I went to my ENT yesterday to see what we could do. After some great discussion and examination, she announced that what I was dealing with was an irritated trigeminal nerve...it's close to my sinuses and with all the inflammation, it's super mad and causing my headaches. Flash back to a year ago when I thought some CNS lupus was flaring and it ended up being another sinus nerve (can't remember it's name) that was irritated and make the back of my neck and head super angry.

I looked at the doc and said "I never used to have these issues. Does meningitis cause this?" Her answer, "Yes, and it can heal/reverse, it can take up to a year. Since yours was over two years ago, I'm afraid this is your new normal."

Thanks doc. So I get to keep popping a ton of ibuprofen every day for awhile until the nerves chill out. And the options for nerve chilling out meds are things I've already tried a couple of years ago and they make me feel groggy and stupid so I'm not going to try those again.

Meningitis stinks.

But, I have to say, I am so thankful for the new normal I'm living. My residual/remaining meningitis caused head pain and lupus serositis pain is well managed. I'm not taking heavy narcotics anymore. In fact, my med list is as short as it was before the meningitis-trigger-lupus-nightmare of 2016! Huge praise.  My disease is being managed pretty well, and I have energy right now, and I am totally taking advantage of that! And we've got some pretty exciting things stirring over here in the Flinchum household (more to come on that in a bit...).

But I have my moments when I look back and want the old normal back. I miss my health, I miss working at NASA. And yet, I love the opportunities I am having now. Back and forth, back and forth. I don't like being discontented. It's uncomfortable. I want to leave that feeling behind, that feeling that I'm missing out on something...I can totally be the Israelite who wanted to go back to Egypt after being led by God through the Red Sea.

I'm learning that when you want to put off something, you have to put on something else...just saying "bad feelings, be away with you!" and leaving it at that makes room for all sorts of other bad things to fill the gap...such as relying on my own strength and not the Lord's.

You see, in order for me to put off anything, I must put on something that is stronger, more true, more faithful than whatever it is I want to put off. And you guessed it, the most strong, true, and faithful source is God. So for me, putting off discontentment means putting on trust, trust in Him and His faithfulness that through EVERY thing, He is working, He is there.

What do you need to put off...and what will you put on?