Anoint me

Love this from Susannah Spurgeon's "Free Grace and Dying Love":

(Inspired from Psalm 92:10 "you have poured over me fresh oil")

"Anoint me for service, Lord, in all I do for you, either directly or indirectly, there may be manifested the power of the Holy Spirit, and the wholehearted earnestness which only he can supply.

Anoint me for sacrifice, so that contrary to my sinful nature, self may be overcome, and bound, and crucified, that Christ alone may reign in my mortal body.

Anoint me for suffering, if so it be your will, that I may praise you as I pass through the waters and the fires of affliction.

Anoint me for intercession, Oh my father, that for others, as well as for myself, I may plead with you, and may prevail."

Yes, anoint me Lord.

Turkey Trot and Reindeer Run

It's just SO awesome to post about races. I am incredibly thankful to be running again.

My running buddy, Lisa, and I did the Turkey Trot 10k (6.2 miles) on Thanksgiving morning. This was an interesting race for both of us, because neither of us really trained for it. I had only run up to 3 miles due to joint issues and a sinus infection, and she hadn't worked out since she finished her Half-Ironman three weeks prior (so, really, I was the one who hadn't trained...she definitely was ready for it :) ).

Two days before the race, I went and bought new running shoes because I couldn't stand my current ones - they were too stiff around the ankle, and I was finding that any distance over two miles was really starting to hurt. I figured running 6 miles in new running shoes couldn't be any worse than running in the horrible contraptions of Mizunos I had...and I was right...the new Brooks Ghost felt great (although, now I think they hate my knees...might be back to the revamped Mizunos...). We ran the entire thing (me giving my hips and knees a pep talk around mile 5.5) and averaged a 10:51 mile. Not bad for no training! :)

Post race, warming up with some coffee

Today was the Reindeer Run 5k. This was my debut-back-to-running race last year, where I was only able to run the last mile. Today, I ran the entire thing and averaged a 10:16 mile! My awesome running buddy was sweet to remind me today, when we hit the point where we had starting running last year "remember this time last year?" :) Yeah I do. And I am so thrilled to be feeling better and staggered by how much I have grown spiritually and emotionally during the past year and a half. It's been tough, and I still take it one day at a time, but God has been faithful throughout.

Pre-race photo, sporting our now traditional socks and antlers :)

Dust and Water

My friend Jessica and I are reading through John Bunyan's "The Pilgrim's Progress". It was written in 1678, so the language brings a few challenges at times, but the descriptive illustrations are as applicable today as they were back then. I was floored today when I read about the room.

The main character, Christian, has a conversation with Interpreter while they are standing watching a man try to sweep a horribly dusty room. The room just gets more and more filled with dusty clouds as the man tries to sweep and clean, to the point that Christian starts coughing and has trouble breathing. Then a door to the room opens and a woman walks in and lightly sprinkles the room with water, and begins cleaning. The water, of course, settles the dust so that it can easily cleaned up. I'm going to summarize Interpreter's explanation of this to Christian, but I've copied the passage below and encourage you to take the time to read it because it's so good.

Interpreter tells Christian that the room is a man's heart and the dust is his sin. The act of sweeping is the Law (Old Testament and if you allow me the extension, our human methods of trying to better ourselves), the Law reveals dust but cannot clean the dust, it just moves it around to different piles in the room. The water that was sprinkled in the room is the Gospel, it clings to the sin, nullifies it, and is easily cleaned up, leaving the room fit for Christ to inhabit.

What a great reminder of the work of the Gospel in my heart! I was dusty and now I am not! And yet, the Gospel continually cleanses me, sweeping out those dust bunnies that collect, as He continues to grow me to be more like Him.- I can't cleanse myself from sin, but God can and I am so thankful for His grace.

Actual passage:

"The parlour (room) is the heart of a man that was never sanctified by the sweet grace of the Gospel; that dust is his original sin, and inward corruptions that have defiled the whole man. He that began to sweep at first is the Law, but she that brought water, and did sprinkle it, is the Gospel. Now, whereas thou sawest that so soon as the first began to sweep, the dust did so fly about that the room by him could not be cleansed, but that thou wast almost choked therewith, this is to show thee that the Law, instead of cleansing the heart (by its working) from sin, doth revive, put strength into, and increase it in the soul, even as it doth discover and forbid it, for it doth not give power to subdue.
Again, as thou sawest the damsel sprinkle the room with water, upon which it was cleansed with pleasure: this is to show thee that when the Gospel comes in the sweet and precious influences thereof to the heart, then I say, even as though sawest the damsel lay the dust by sprinkling the floor with water so is sin vanquished and subdued, and the soul made clean, through the faith of it; and consequently fit for the King of Glory to inhabit"

Ode to Flare (up)

(Nerd sidenote: thought this picture was appropriate cause of all the recent solar weather :) )

Flare-up. Or as most auto-immune disease sufferers say: a flare.

Flare-up (compliments of Webster)

1: a sudden outburst or intensification

2: a sudden bursting (as of a smoldering fire) into flame or light

Autoimmune diseases are interesting creatures. They vary incredibly from patient to patient. One can test positive for one disease and negative for another, yet still have symptoms of that disease. New symptoms can pop up and symptoms can disappear completely. A large majority of people with autoimmune symptoms thankfully live a large portion of their lives with minimal symptoms and then a flare occurs and you're just miserable.

When it comes to sharing about my disease, I always think: "should I really post this, is is too much information?".

But after realizing that I would tell everything that I post to anyone who asks (this isn't a secret!), I post:

1) To share what God teaches me through my disease
2) To help myself process what I learn through each up and down
3) To help people understand autoimmune disease better
4) To attempt to encourage those who are suffering, or who know someone who is suffering

I haven't had a flare since last fall (it was a LONG flare, but settled by January). However, I've been flaring for almost two weeks now. For me, a flare means my joints hurt, I run a low grade fever almost constantly, I start feeling worse as the day grows later and I have no energy. For me, which joints are affected changes from day to day. For this flare - it has been my fingers, wrists, toes, ankles, and shoulders (upper back), with a dose of my SI joints thrown in every few days or so. Flares can last days, weeks, months. It is always different and you never know exactly what to expect or when your immune system is going to start behaving again.

I am thankful that my flares only worsen in the evening, which means I can still be productive at work and feel fairly normal until about 4pm (woot for being a natural morning person!). I've found morning workouts are okay as long as they are not too intense and I stagger them every other day; in fact, they help work out some of the joint stiffness. I crawl into bed around 7 or 730pm because usually I am hurting so bad by then that it takes awhile to fall asleep and I usually wake up during the night hurting. I curtail evening activities, because while I have gotten pretty good at pretending I feel okay so I can still have a decent social life during flares, it does take a lot out of you!

For this flare, my rheumatologist put me on some oral steroids for two weeks (IV steroids didn't work last time and we're still not sure if my usual steroid injections helped in making my back go all wonky). Four days into the steroids, I've seen a slight improvement...not as great as I would have hoped. The next step is tweaking my immuno-suppressive meds - according to the doc I still have a lot of wiggle room. But we just tweaked them last year too...I don't like it when my body destabilizes so quickly. Silly body.

I've noticed during this flare, that I am handling it better spiritually and emotionally. Trusting God more, not getting as frustrated when I have to cancel hanging out with a friend 'cause I just don't feel like putting on a smile-mask anymore. Taking one day at a time and doing what I can each day. Now, I am not perfect. Oh no. Believe me, there have been some tearful nights lately where I just HURT and I am sick of the struggle. But God is good to remind me that there is a reason for all of this (of course, He hasn't revealed that yet, but there is still peace in the thought :) ). I am learning so much about Him. He doesn't give me more than He and I can handle. And His plan is more incredible than I could ever imagine. So I focus on that when I start hurting really bad (and then pray to fall asleep REALLY quickly ;) ).

So, here's to this flare ending shortly. Don't take good health for granted. Do what you can.

Shadow Creek Ranch Sprint Triathlon

So, this is the only picture I took of this race. It's of my shirt :)

The day before this race, I tweaked my back...adding air to my bike tires no less. It went something like this: Front tire: pump, pump, pump, pump. Done. Back tire: pump, pump, pu-OH MY GOSH THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY BACK!!!! Yeah, it was hurting to bend at the waist...as in the motion that you use on the bike to lean down to grab the handlebars (and aerobars). So, I stretched, and iced, and popped some muscle relaxers. Rinse and repeat that series throughout the day. The back was feeling better by evening, so I went to sleep thinking, "if I wake up and it feels better, I am doing this race until The Back tells me to stop". And praise the Lord, when I woke up, the back was at about 85% (pretty much normal these days, although, I've been hitting about 90% lately). So I jumped in my car and headed to the race.

My stats:

Age group (30-39): 19/31

Swim: 12:57 (slow, but only 50 sec slower than my pool time, which shows how nice the open water swim was)
T1: 1:55
Bike: 48:08 (16.8mph average)
T2: 1:14 (one of my longer T2 transitions because I forgot to lay out my Endurolyte capsules (salt pills) and had to dig them out of my bag)
Run: 36:04 (11:16/mile pace) - eh, I was just glad my face didn't explode away from my skull. It was so hot.

Total time: 1 hr 40 min.

The Story:
I met my friends Erin V, Rick, and Lisa L in transition, and we walked down to the swim start. This was the first time I was doing a swim where it was a point to point swim (ie, we started the swim in one spot and exited in another spot). What this meant was a glorious straight stretch of swimming with no buoys (and swimmer congestion) to swim around. As we waited for the swim to start, we were "treated" to a surprise shower of the ground sprinklers. Apparently, someone forgot to tell the park to turn them off that morning :). Despite the heat and humidity, 400 triathletes found themselves shivering at the swim start. Good times.

Swim (77 deg, 90% humidity)
The airhorn blasted and off we went, water churning. It was actually one of the less hectic open swim starts I have done, so that helped me get into my pace (my SLOW pace) quickly. I only finished 50 seconds slower than my pool time, so the open water craziness at swim start wasn't too bad (for comparison, my last tri swim time was 3 minutes slower than my pool time). I have so much room to improve in this area.

Bike (81 deg, 82% humidity, heat index, 86 deg)
The bike was pretty decent. However, I hadn't ridden my bike in 3 weeks and hadn't done an actually brick workout (bike then run - I did do two 'pseudo' bricks: after a 45 minute spin class, I ran 2.5 miles) so I was cautious on how much I pushed it on the bike, I didn't want to blow up on the run. I definitely could have pushed more.

Run (86 deg, 72% humidity, heat index, 92 deg)
The theme of the run was "hot, hotter, holy moly it's hot". There was no shade on the concrete trail that we ran on for 3.2 miles. I ran with Gatorade, something I have found key for me to do so I don't overheat (too much :) ) on the run. I also took an Endurolyte capsule. Endurolyte is a brand of salt pills - they are supposed to help you not to overheat. I forgot them on the bike, so I think if I would have taken one on the bike and then on the run, it would have been a bit better. I did have to stop and walk a couple of times, not because my muscles were tired, but because I was seriously afraid I was going to do damage to my skull as the top of my head felt ready to blow off. HOT.

Thoughts:
I did not feel ready going into this race. Due to some other medical issues I had earlier in the month, I hadn't put in the training time I wanted to. However, after the race, my muscles felt great, so that tells me I did have the training. Now, I need to up my training so I can start getting faster. My back did GREAT during the race. It did AWFUL after the race. By the time I drove home, it was starting to tighten and by late afternoon, I could barely walk. I stretched, iced, rested, and eventually popped a muscle relaxer and a Vicadin because it was THAT bad. Thankfully, when I woke up on Monday, it had calmed quite a bit and I could walk without the "granny stoop". My chiropractor got me in at 9am and PTed me up. By the end of the day, things were much better. I've had to use the back pillow all week for additional support, but my run this morning went well (no back issues all day), so I am so pleased with how quickly the Back bounced back. Thank you Lord! But still, I'll take one day at a time. One race at a time. And be thankful for what I CAN do and for what He allows me to do. By the way, this race happened to be one year TO THE DAY from when I went to the ER initially for my back pain. How great is God? He has taught me so much about myself and my walk with Him, my position before Him. I would NOT trade in the past year for what I have learned. And that my friends, can only be typed because of His grace. Thank you God.

Confessions of a Swim Slacker

Hi, I am a Swim Slacker (i.e. not me in the above photo :) ).

See, I love swimming. My mom always says I could swim before I could walk. I have always enjoyed the water, be it pool or ocean. One would think with such a love of water and a decent introduction to swimming (my mom was a lifeguard and on the swim and dive teams in high school so she taught all of us kids to swim in early childhood) I would be a decent swimmer. So.not.true. (and not Mom's fault, by the way :) ).

Okay, I am not a bad swimmer exactly. I had one of my co-workers who has raced several Ironman triathlons come out and critique my swimming. His summary was that I have a technically decent stroke and a strong kick. I just don't glide. Gliding is important in swimming because it means you go faster and waste less energy getting where you are going.

So, I am a slow swimmer. And it bugs me. I wish I could hop in the water and Michael Phelps-out all my swim training sessions, but that isn't happening soon (okay, EVER :) ).

Why am I taking all this time to let you know my swimming woes? 'Cause the sad truth is that if something doesn't come easily to me or I don't see myself improving, I don't want to do it. And swimming fits right into this category. I want to be instantly good at swimming, without the work and effort required to improve (::rolling eyes at myself::, oh Melissa, you are so logical).

Anyhow, now that the cat is out of the bag publicly, that means I am accountable (in my head at least, maybe you all don't care, but I am going to PRETEND you care) to truly making an effort to improve my swimming. Up until this point, it's been half-hearted: I did correct my hand-entry position into the water (thanks to Ironman Coworker who warned me I could atrophy some arm muscles if I kept up my "Melissa-esque" hand-entry position). The correction has stuck and has definitely helped. I am also doing all of the drills he told me to do.

I swam 500yds today because I have a race this weekend and the swim is 500yds. And today was the first time since last year that I swam 500yds in a row. And it was slow. 12:06 to be exact. That, my friends, is 1:12 PER lap. ::heaving sigh::. I am slow.

So, I need to swim more. Three times a week is my goal. Now that I am back in town for a decent chunk of time, I think that will make it easier to stick with that goal. And I am going to create a new swim training plan, borrowing heavily from a swim article that was in the latest issue of Triathlete magazine.

God has allowed me to start training again so I'm going to do my part and glorify Him in my training and not whine about how slow I swim and rather, be thankful that I CAN swim.

It's time to shake this Swim Slacker attitude ::focused determined face::

Awesome timing

This is a belated post because I finally found the song that I wanted to blog about.

After leaving Kearney, NE after my grandparents' funeral, I had to take the rental car back to the airport I was flying out of, a three hour drive. I was having a teary drive, it had been a hard week and need some turns to distract me. It was slim pickin's among the available radio stations that weren't country or static, and then I stumbled upon a station that was coming through loud and clear and I heard this song. After the song finished, the station faded out (and afterwards was intermittent). I lost it. It was so perfect - it brought comfort that God was near during my grief and also affirmed all of what God has been teaching me the past 10 months with my back. I wanted to share it with you:

Blessings by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

It's incredible, really....

Incredible how amazingly adaptable the brain is. Bear with me here...I'll get to the incredible part, but a little background first...

My workouts over the past two weeks have included 1.5-2 mile runs, over 500m swim workouts, a two-workouts-in-one-day morning swim/afternoon run, a brick workout (6.5 mile bike/1 mile run), and a spinning class.

Oh yeah, and I signed up for my comeback triathlon at the beginning of May, Mother's Day actually, - a super sprint distance of 200yd swim, 8 mile bike, and 2 mile run.

And I am doing a 5k next week, with the goal of running as much of it as possible.


I am feeling good. But it is a different type of good than I felt a year ago. My body has a new "good".

My back still hurts. It's usually just a small nagging ache and sometimes (rarely these days) a sharper-suck-in-your-breath-quick kind of pain.

This is where the brain is incredible...it's adjusted my pain tolerances. These days at work, I rarely am aware of my back (unless I have to stand for a long time or sit for awhile without my lumbar pillow). That's AMAZING. I could be constantly aware of my back, constantly aware of it not "feeling right"...I imagine that would make me very sad and not much fun to be around...(at first, because I've seen God's grace in my attitude the past 9 months and know that He would bring me around eventually :) ). I am SO grateful to God for designing our brains to adapt to uncomfortableness so that we can still enjoy life. I'm overwhelmed by the mercy in His design. And yes, there may be days ahead where I will have trouble remembering this mercy and be constantly aware of pain, but not today. Today I am going to marvel at the design of my God (and pray that on that day when I am hurting and having trouble remembering, that one of you will remind me of this post!):

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:13-14

Progress

I'm continuing to make progress with my health and my back. My stomach and inner ear are handling the new dosage of the immunosuppressives well (they initially made me super queasy and my head all foggy). I'm definitely starting to stabilize- a long-sought answer to prayer!

This past week I completed 4 workouts:

Tuesday- run 0.75 miles, walk 2.1 miles, run 0.25 miles
Thursday- walk 1 mile, run 1 mile
Saturday- 800m swim workout
Sunday- 10 mile bike ride

The back handled it all pretty well. I definitely could tell it was getting used to the activity. I woke up this morning with sharper than my new normal pain, which made leaning over to eat my awesome flax cereal a bit of a challenge, but I spent some time stretching it out and over the course of the day, it feels back to "normal". I don't think it liked the "back-to-back" (is that a pun?) workouts, so that was a good thing to learn. I'll be careful to space out my workouts for awhile...gotta give the body time to adjust.

I am planning on signing up for a super sprint tri the first week of May. The distances are 200yd swim, 8 mile bike, and 2 mile run. Before I do that though, I want to do a short brick (bike, then run) workout to see how the back handles the loading. I'm a few weeks away from attempting that though...

In the meantime, I've signed up to volunteer at two upcoming triathlons. I'm doing body-marking (writing folks' race numbers on their arms and legs) at the Kemah tri in April (I raced this last year) and my training buddy, Lisa, and I signed up to help out at one of the bike aid stations at the Texas Ironman in May.

I am really excited about volunteering at the Texas Ironman. I figure watching an Ironman in person will just make me want to do it more. Oh yeah, I have the heart of an Ironman...not sure about the body, yet, but we'll see what it will let me do. It and God of course. Anything that I can accomplish physically is a direct testament of God's grace in my life, because my doctor says "you really shouldn't be able to do that" (when it comes to running and triathlons). So to Him be the glory. And I will be thankful for whatever progress I make, remembering the past 8 months and how walking without grimacing is a victory in itself.

On The Occasion Of Turning 30...

The above delicious culinary creation is a cake my friend Erin made for me. Gluten-free almond cake with a lemontastic flavor. It was AMAZING. I had it with my coffee for breakfast this morning. (My roomie also made two beautifully decorated cakes for some friends I had over today, but alas, neither of us took pictures!).

So...the big 3-0.

Eh.

I haven't been looking forward to this birthday. I don't like the fact that I haven't been looking forward to this birthday, because it seems so cliche to think like that, but well, that's the honest truth :).

I think it's because I am not where I thought I would be in life when turning 30.

However, I have also gotten to do things in life that I never thought I would do before turning 30. Like the following:

1. Work at NASA
2. Travel to Russia (multiple times) and India (not your normal go-to places)
3. Buy a house
4. Run a half-marathon
5. Be a triathlete

and the most important "not expected"...stepping back and seeing how many amazing, inspiring, and encouraging friends and family that I have in my life.

I am incredibly blessed by the people God has put into my life to support me, make fun of me (in a good way :) ), correct me, cheer me on, make me laugh, listen to me cry, roll their eyes at me when I am being a drama-queen, pray for me, and encourage me. God has used them to help make me into the woman that I am today. And for that, I am thankful.

So if the next decade is anything like the last has been...

Welcome 30.

Birthday flowers from Erin V., Irma, and Pam :)

Rollercoaster

That's what this week has been, a rollercoaster.

Now if you had asked me how my week has been on Friday, I would have said GREAT. So, apparently, it was a very unsymmetrical rollercoaster...

I got in 3 great workouts during the week:
Monday - 4 mile walk
Tuesday - 600m swim
Wednesday - 3 mile walk and 10 minutes on the elliptical
Took Thursday and Friday off 'cause I had some long work days and evening plans

I introduced short running periods of about 1 minute every 3/4 mile or so and my back was doing well. Still the ever present "hi, I am your back and I am not normal", but nothing awful.

Then yesterday, I went on a walk...I wanted to go 5 miles. I started out at a slower than normal pace, due to the distance and wanting to up the amount of time I was trying running (from 1 minute to 2 minute). About a half a mile in, I knew it was going to be a rough workout...my hip joints were stiff, oh hello Disease...back was okay though. I ended up doing 4.3 miles and was a bit gimp on the part home (and walking SLOWLY). The back really wasn't bad, it actually felt pretty good on the runs. It was just my whole body. Why can't my body listen to what my mind and heart want it to do? Dumb body needs to grow some ears...oh wait...

You see, I had this somewhat secret goal of walking the Galveston Mardi Gras Half Marathon on February 20th...which just happens to be my 30th birthday. And I came to the realization yesterday that it is just not going to happen at this time. I can't make it through 5 miles without being pretty uncomfortable. So...disappointment city.

It happens. I know. And I can think about the fact that I still locomoted 4.3 miles...that's pretty good considering the past 6 months and yes I am happy about it...if it wasn't for that thorn-in-my-side-not-meeting-my-goal-of-walking-the-half-marathon.

So I am working through it. Me and God that is. Tough questions being asked, tears being shed, learning a new level of being patient and waiting on Him. Thinking about the "short term" makes me want to cry...but thinking about the "long term"... I know He is working this for His good and He will be glorified and I will learn a WHOLE lot in the process.

Sometimes the process has it's stinky moments....

One step at a time...Philippians 3:14

Stronghold

I've recently started reading through Psalm 27 and I am breaking it down verse by verse and spending time thinking about, praying about, and writing about what each verse means. It's been incredibly fruitful and I love what God is teaching me (or reminding me of!). I'm not going to share my thoughts on each verse, but will trying to give you a sampling. I'm using the ESV Bible.

"The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"- Psalm 27:2

From Merriam Webster: "A stronghold is 1) a fortified place, 2) a place of survival or security, and 3) a place dominated by a particular group or marked by a particular characteristic

Where to start....

A fortified place is a place that has been added to, built up to provide extra protection. Everything around me can fall apart (by the way, I'll write more about this with my thoughts on verse 3...) but if I stick near to God, the stronghold, the fortified place, I will not be shaken, or rather, the important stuff won't be shaken (i.e. the fact that I belong to Him) because face it, we're human and stuff does shake us up. Praise God that He doesn't move.

A place of survival or security- for me, the thought of trying to draw one breath without God is, mind-boggling. I know I "did it" at one point- before He, in His grace and mercy showed me my need of Him, but I could not imagine going through every day life, let alone hardships, without Him. It points back to the "fortified" part- He is stable. This world is not. I can mercifully seek Someone who is stable and I know He is there and that my hope lies with Him. Eternally.

A place dominated by a particular group or marked by a particular characteristic- I want to be marked as a woman who loves the Lord (that's the particular characteristic)- that every action, word, and thought is saturated with Him, that people see Him through my actions and words. I fall very short of this mark, but it's a process, and I pray that my desire to honor Him in everything will only increase through the years.

Hand

One of my amazing girls sent me a get well ecard this afternoon, and it literally popped up during a particularly challenging time for me today. In it were these verses for encouragement:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" 2Cor 4:16-18

I love when you can see His hand move in your life. I love that He understands that we sometimes need those more tangible reminders of His presence.

::teary-eyed smiling::

Completely Done

Awesome song that we sung at church today. I love the phrase "What you complete is completely done". God doesn't do anything half-heartedly. What overwhelming reassurance.

I am so thankful for our worship leaders who spend so much time and effort to put together song lists that allow us to focus on God and meditate on what He has done for us, giving Him the glory.

Completely Done
Words by Jonathon Baird, Ryan Baird, and Rich Gunderlock

What reason have I to doubt
Why would I dwell in fear
When all I have known is grace
My future in Christ is clear
My sins have been paid in full
There’s no condemnation here
I live in the good of this
My Father has brought me near
I’m leaving my fears behind me now

The old is gone, the new has come
What You complete is completely done
We’re heirs with Christ, the victory won
What You complete is completely done

I don’t know what lies ahead
What if I fail again
You are my confidence
You’ll keep me to the end

I’m leaving my fears behind me now

Musings on Jeremiah

I'm currently in the middle of studying Jeremiah. I read chapter 27 the other day and was particularly blown away, old lesson, different angle...here are a few of my thoughts on it...

Jeremiah 27- Quick summary- Judah is strategizing to overthrow the rule of Babylon, which they have recently come under. God speaks through Jeremiah and tells the people that it is His WILL that they are under the rule of King Nebudchadnezzar and Babylon and they will be for some time. It won't last forever, but they must not fight back or they will be punished.

How amazing that God reveals a piece of His plan to Judah here. How needed it was as well...His plan was completely OPPOSITE of the people's natural instinct: Big Bad Babylon (Triple B) takes over=people fight back to reclaim their freedom, God says "Nope, stop, it's my will that you are under Triple B's thumb for now. Obey and submit". Whoosh- the sound of every person in Judah gaping at the Lord, "You want us to do WHAT!? How in the world does that accomplish anything!?"...Oh yes, God's grace all over this one- the people NEVER would have thought- "Ooh Triple B has conquered us, let us smile sweetly and offer our services to Triple B." God needed to show His plan to keep His people from getting into trouble (ie the promised punishment if they did not submit to Babylon's rule). He knows just what information we need to know, even though sometimes we can't see the reason or purpose for it. His mercy stretches even further when He tells them it will not be forever...he doesn't give a timeframe, just not forever. Think how we are in the same situation. Let's start big:

1) Big picture- Christ's return- we know its coming, but we don't know when. We are told to wait patiently and trust
2) Smaller picture- Our continual santification and eventual reward of heaven. We don't know when we will die, but we know it's coming, what's coming afterward, and are told to press on and trust
3) Smallest picture- the season of life that we are in. We don't know when the next will begin, we are told to press on and trust.

Nice to see that our God is consistent eh? He revealed a bit of his plan to Judah and told them to press on and trust. He reveals a bit of His plan to us and tells us to press on and trust. And, if read on, God is faithful to Judah, so guess what that means to us? Yep, you guessed it, God will be faithful to us. Love it.

Words

So I am reading this really phenomenal book called "The Meaning of Everything- the Story of the Oxford English Dictionary" by Simon Winchester. As most of you know, I really like words and I thought, well, what better to read than a history of the OED (yes, I realize the nerdiness in this statement...oh well). I am enjoying two things about this book 1) it reads more like fiction than non-fiction and 2) Mr. Winchester employs many new words I have never heard of and/or words that I recognize but could not define. He's also pretty masterful with these footnotes that contain the more humorous aspects of history or nuggets of trivia.

My two favorite trivia nuggets so far:

1. If you were to write "what!?" the combination of the '!' and the '?' is called an interrobang.
2. The word "paperclip" was first used in 1875

I'm also finding it pretty funny (probably as only I would) that I am using a Merriam-Webster dictionary to look up the words I don't know...(and yep, I am TOTALLY writing the definitions in the book as I go :) ). That's probably why I couldn't find the definition of "machicolated".

Some of my new favorite words:

1. bellicose- war-mongering, belligerent
2. erudite- scholarly
3. malapropism- humorous misuse of a word

...looking forward to the second half of this book....

Knowledge

I just finished re-reading "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. You should read it. One of my favorite parts is this conversation between little-girl Corrie and her father. She asks him a tough-adult question (they are traveling on a train and he has his work-bag with him). Here's their conversation after Corrie has asked her question and dad hasn't answered yet:

" At last, he lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. 'Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?' he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. 'It's too heavy', I said. 'Yes,' he said, 'And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a heavy load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you."

And the parallel that I drew:

God is the same way with His children. He doesn't overburden us with all the details of His plans, He gives us the knowledge we need at the exact moment we need it- not before, and not after. Perfect timing. He knows when we are strong enough, prepared for the next step-whatever that might be. And we, as His children, must trust Him to keep His plans, to carry that knowledge for us, until that perfect moment arrives. Wow.