Guest contributors - house projects!

Since I can't do any house projects right now, I thought I would provide some inspiration through two of my friends who have recently completed some amazing projects and were so kind to share some great pictures of their completed projects.

First up is the wall ledge that my fantastically design-gifted friend Pooja and her husband installed. I love how they did something outside of the box and didn't just do a collage of frames on the wall (nothing against collages of frames, I plan to have several in my house) but I love the ledge! And it will be so easy to give the room a fresh look just by rotating out the items on the ledge. Great work you two, your place is coming together so well!

Isn't that ledge awesome? And check out the texture in this room, beautiful!

Second, my roommate finished two projects that she had been planning for awhile.

Here is some wall art that she did herself - bought the stencils, stenciled the canvas, and then I showed her how to use the miter saw and she built the frame herself! She has created such peaceful space for herself.

Wall art up close

Check out this great photo collage she put together on her closet door. She designed the collage in powerpoint to make sure all the photos would fit on the door and then assembled it on poster board. She Mod-Podged the whole thing and then hung it on the door. Isn't that red trim great? Really draws the eye into the collage. Great work Claire!

Photo collage!

Hope you enjoyed the creative of works of my guest contributors Pooja and Claire. Thank you ladies for sharing your creative talents with all of us!

Sufficient

Exactly a week ago, I was sitting on the couch on Tuesday evening, having some hard talks with God about a lot of different things.

One thing that was very prevalent was how MUCH I want to be healed and how I was not happy with the way things were going. I cannot begin to tell you how NOT a fan I am of narcotics. I've probably blogged about it enough at this point, but I really don't like things that make one not in control of themselves, and narcotics is one of those things. God has been really working on me to be a big girl and take my meds when I am supposed to - actually, it's a thing of necessity now because I really can't tolerate the pain without them. But He's been working on me to not just take the meds, but to be thankful for them. I can't say I'm always 100% there, but I do find myself being more grateful, so yay for progress.

But, along the lines of not being happy with taking the meds, and very much wanting to be off of them so I can drive and go to work and "be back to normal", I was thanking Him for the insane number of people who have emailed me, texted me, dropped by for a short visit, called, etc, to tell me that they are praying for me. It's astounding really...and as I was thanking Him AND grumbling in my heart at the same time about being dependent on these pain meds and how no progress was being made, the thought came to mind "why can't the prayers be enough?".

Hmm... well, that's an interesting question.

"Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether" - Psalm 130:4

"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him" - Matthew 6:8

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." - Romans 8:26-27

God knows exactly what I need, even before I can think of a prayer to utter that need. He is showing His love for me by moving people to think of me and pray for me. So why can't I be content in the prayers of those He has called to pray for me? So I sat there on the couch, kinda staring up at the ceiling...and decided, I WANT those prayers to be enough. I want to be content with what He has blessed me with...so I prayed for that...I asked Him to allow the prayers of the saints to be enough for me. It was kind of like the father from Mark 9:24 and his reaction after Jesus heals his child "I believe; help my unbelief!"

And He has...helped my unbelief that is...ever since Tuesday night, I haven't been anxious or grumbling at ALL about how things are going, my heart has been quiet and still and peaceful about what He is doing. I never thought to ask for contentment in prayers and it's been such a sweet realization to know I can ask for that and He is faithful to provide for me - what grace!

I have been so encouraged by visitors who have shared with me what God is doing in their lives and been able to pray for so many people while I'm lying here, switching between bed and couch, depending on my mood. Don't get me wrong, it's not all spiritual stuff I'm doing here at home, I am very thankful for Netflix, Star Trek seasons available on Netflix (yup, nerd alert), and Pinterest - all great diversions for my foggy brain - oh just wait until I am back to my usual self, I've got tons of projects overflowing the filing folders of my brain! But it still has been a sweet time of learning more about Him and seeing Him tangibly at work in the lives of those around me. It's quite hard to see what I am seeing and not let out a contented sigh.

Constantly amazed by His grace. He is El Shaddai.

Another craigslist find!

So over a month ago, I found a great modern industrial lamp on craigslist. I emailed the gal and never heard back. Oh well.

Well, last week, she emailed me and said it was still available and asked if I still wanted it. Um,  yes please!

I was blessed with an easy pain morning last Saturday and took my Mom with me to look at the lamp.

 I had been eyeing this one at Urban Outfitters...price tag: $129

 Check out this craigslist beauty...price tag: $15

 

Not as fancy as the Urban one, but you seriously can't beat the price or the authenticity of this find :). It's got some great scuffs and dings too, uber industrial looking, and the height is adjustable.

By the way, that particularly awesome yellow beetle bag on my coat stand? Yeah, that was my "wow, it was a crazy busy day on console, I am going to go eat some Pinkberry" and somehow I ended up at Macy's where they were having a massive 75% off of their Fossil bag sale...so that's my Pinkberry-turned-purse purchase :)

Have I ever mentioned how much I like craigslist?

Ode to Innards

Respect your innards. It's not fun when they are mad at you.

Back in the spring, I had upper abdominal pain. It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable. I starting seeing a gastrointerologist, got an EGD done (they knock you out and stick a camera down your throat to take pictures of your insides), a CT, and all came back clean. Whew, thank you Lord. And the pain went away. And we all decided that it was serositis, a symptom of lupus, and well in line with everything else that had been going on.

Well, about a month ago, the pain came back. Thankfully, the pain meds I am on helped significantly and it wasn't that bad. But last week, it started getting a lot worse and the pain meds weren't cutting it.

I got my third Benlysta infusion on Thursday along with an appointment with my rheumo doc and he decided to add an IV of steroids to see if it would calm down the inflammation in the lining around my organs (the serositis - the cause of the abdominal pain). So my infusion took about 4 hours on Thursday - my friend Irma was a trooper to hang out in the waiting room for so long, thanks Irma!

On Friday morning, I was feeling worse and also feeling more side effects from the Benlysta. My rheumo doc called to check on me and I reported that the pain was the same. He had me come in for a second IV of the steroids in hopes that it would do the trick. Unfortunately, it didn't. The pain worsened over the weekend and I called him on Sunday to determine what I should do. Since the two IVs of steroids hadn't done anything, he didn't think the issue was inflammation, but something else, so he told me to go back to my GI doc and see what he thought. I called my GI doc that evening and left a message and popped some of the stronger pain meds (per my doctor's directions) I have in my ever-growing collection of pharmacopeia.

God was so good to allow my GI doc to work me in first thing Monday morning and after some questions and abdomen-poking, he deemed that another EGD was needed to see what had changed. So, dark and early Wednesday morning (literally, it was before 6am) my sweet friend Amanda picked me up and took me to the endoscopy center.

An hour and a half later, the GI doc was standing at my bedside as I blinked sleepily at him and told me that there were a lot of changes to my EGD - there is erosion at the juncture at the top of my stomach, a lot of inflammation, and (this is gross) food still in my stomach that shouldn't be there after fasting 8 hours. He said my stomach hadn't contracted the entire time he had been doing the scope, which isn't a good thing, it means my stomach isn't processing food correctly. This made a lot of sense because for several weeks now, the foods that I have been craving have been fruits and smoothies - things that are easily digestible. I find it incredible how the brain can signal the body to crave only what it can process - mind blown - but I'm digressing...I got to see pictures of my insides again and compare them to the pictures the GI doc took last time and the changes are pretty drastic - so I was relieved to know that I am NOT crazy for hurting so badly, there is a reason for all the pain.

So for now, I have to continue taking my pain meds until we can figure out what's causing these problems. I've got some scans and tests coming up that will hopefully pinpoint the issue. The pain meds make me very drowsy and fuzzyheaded, so I'm home from work until I can get off of them. My days are consisting of a lot of laying around and sleeping - since it hurts to move much. I am not a fan of narcotics but right now, I am grateful for them. And I'm so thankful for the wonderful friends that I have that have been taking care of me, and that my mom had planned a visit for this past weekend before things got worse and so she was here to help me out for a few days as well, which as you all know, nothing beats having your Mommy around when you don't feel well :).

So, respect your innards folks :)

Faithful

Two years ago on this day, I blogged about a particular Scripture that one of my sweet girls had sent me as an encouragement. I remember when I read it I was laying in bed, with the inflammation around my spine, unable to walk very well, and feeling very discouraged because I had hoped to sign up for a race that day and had come to the realization that I couldn't race.

Two years later, I find myself in bed again, unable to move very well due to severe abdominal pain, doped up on narcotics that allow me to not cry out and curl into a fetal position, but leaving me fuzzyheaded and unable to drive. In the last week, I have had one friend send me an amazing sermon on this Scripture and two friends send me encouraging words with this Scripture as it's base...apparently, God's trying to tell me something :)

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Looking back over the past two years, He has been faithful. I am renewed each day by Him. I lose hope, struggle with the whys, cry out in frustration and pain, leap with joy when progress takes place, and He has been there, answering my prayers with answers I couldn't have planned or imagined, answers better than what I was expecting, answers different from what I was expecting and He gives me the grace to process and accept them. He is faithful.

So that's what I am reminding myself of today - His faithfulness. I'm a little daunted by the new challenges that I am facing with my health. But He was there for the last two years, and He will be there for the next two years, or however long I am in this particular trial. And He'll be there for the next trial, and the next one...He is faithful.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him" - Lamentations 3:22-24

A David Moment

It's been a rough past five or six days pain-wise and sleep-wise and I've found myself getting pretty discouraged. My right hand recently broke out with the blister/ulcers that I usually get only when it gets cold outside (one of the aspects of the Raynaud's Syndrome that I have). It made me crinkle my brow, because I wouldn't think that would happen with the new meds in my system - I know I am not supposed to really start seeing results for another couple of months, but I didn't think that I would still be getting disease things - I was hoping everything would just freeze where it is at. And my abdomen pain has been pretty brutal at times and on top of all that, I am having a lot of trouble sleeping - I just can't sleep through the night and wake up and can stay up for hours before falling back asleep. It's been very wearing.

I found myself at caregroup last night not wanting to ask for prayer because I am so TIRED of praying for my health and tired of disappointing people when they ask me expectantly "so, are you feeling better?" and I have to say no. I know that probably sounds a little crazy, but I'm just being honest here. My sweet group had great encouraging things to say and did pray for me when I finally admitted that I didn't want to ask for prayer...and while I appreciated their prayers and concern, I still came home hurting, tired, and discouraged.

I've been studying the book of Hebrews, but I wasn't feeling it this morning. I journaled a bit and asked God to remind me that I do find joy in what He is doing through all of this and that I want to share that joy with others. I was feeling so weary. So I looked up verses on "weary".

I read Hebrews 12:3 but it wasn't what I was looking for...I went on to the next verse that had "weary" in it, Psalm 69:3- "I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God." Um. WOW. What's this? Did I write this? Nope, David did...I flipped the page and started at the beginning of the psalm. Here's how God used this psalm to mightily encourage me today:

So you saw verse 3 (crying out, eyes growing dim)...and then nine verses later, David writes this:
"But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness" (Psalm 69:12). 

Oh Lord, YES! You know that I know this is all part of Your plan and that it is for my good and your Glory. But please Lord, in your timing, end this season for me.

And then David writes:

"I am afflicted and in pain; let your salvation, O God, set me on high" (Psalm 69:29)


Oh so true, and yes, Lord, I would really like for this disease to settle, to go away completely.

"I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving. This will please the Lord more than an ox or a bull with horns and hoofs. When the humble see it they will be glad; you who seek God let your hearts revive. For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners" (Psalm 69: 30-33)


Now, the study portion of my bible says that this is what David (who is writing this psalm with the perspective that we all should have in trials) will do if he is delivered from his trial. I agree with that, yet, I want to praise the Lord even if this trial doesn't end, because He never ceases to amaze me with how He blesses me and gives me grace - true, it may not be according to my plan, but it is always so much sweeter and greater than what I have planned. And I hope when I share how He has blessed me and given me grace, that it encourages those around me, that they will see Him working, and not me. And this is EXACTLY what David is saying. Whoa. Big whoa.

And finally, David writes:

"For God will save Zion and build up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and possess it; the offspring of his servants shall inherit it and those who love his name shall dwell in it." (Psalm 69:34-36)


Ah yes Lord, my hope is not in this world, but in Heaven. One day, I WILL have perfect health. That day when I am with you for all eternity. What amazing hope!

I cannot tell you how encouraged I felt after going through this psalm and writing down those verses. My Father cares for me, He encourages me when I am discouraged and points me back to Him.

And that, was my David moment. ::grin::

Cupcake fail

They may look like yummy chocolate cupcakes....

But they weren't. Oh disappointed tastebuds. The texture was really off and they were super dry. They definitely tasted gluten free. Not sure if I am up for tweaking the recipe with some applesauce to try and  add more moisture because they were just that OFF (seriously, I made myself eat a few and then threw the rest away) that I am not sure if it's redeemable. Oh well...good thing there are other recipes out there...or I'll just use the ever handy and tasty Pamela's Products Chocolate cake mix :).

Ingredients...just in case you were wondering...