Being steadfast amidst the ups and downs

image courtesy of http://www.steadfast.com.au/html/

I've been on the new stomach contracting meds for almost a week now. They are definitely helping me eat better! I was thrilled to have gained two pounds over the last two weeks (not every day that you hear a woman get excited about gaining weight :) ). It's nice to hear my stomach growl again. With the new meds, the doctor had said that I should see the pain start to lessen over time. Everyone keeps asking "well, how much time?" Oh my goodness, I wish I knew. And that's been the most recent hurdle for me to tackle. Patience. Again.

Now that we have a "forward plan, " I want everything to hurry up and get better a la pop-the-magic-pill-and-the-pain-goes-away...and that hasn't happened yet. Well, to be clear, the new med doesn't take the pain away. But my trusty Vicadin does :) - and makes me woozy, and dizzy, and queasy, and if I am talking to you and suddenly shake my head or gaze over your shoulder, it's cause I am seeing two or three of you :). There have been a few dose-ings of pain meds where I have gone 6 to 7 hours in between a dose, but it's still pretty much the standard every 5 hours, and I had a couple of really rough pain days last week AFTER I started the new meds, so...patience. Blah.

I'm currently studying the book of Hebrews and the book of James with one of my accountability partners and with my roommate, respectively. So far, both books have been a lot about suffering and trials and what I have learned thus far in my studies has been so applicable and helpful to my current situation. The most recent lesson on James was no exception. This is the verse that stuck out to me:

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him" - James 1:12

Merriam-Webster definition of steadfast: firmly fixed in place or firm belief, determination and adherence, not subject to change.

I found myself staring at the word "steadfast" and wondering where my steadfastness had gone. Last week, before the new meds, I was all patient and waiting and trusting. Post new meds, I became anxious, impatient, and exasperated. I do trust that the Lord is doing His work in me, not just because He has provided a new med for me to be on, but because He is working all of this out for my good and His glory (see Philippians 1:6).

So why can't I still be steadfast (or at least, attempt to be steadfast...my steadfastness has never been the greatest, even on my "best" days)?

Ah, it would be because I am trusting in the wrong things - my willpower to make myself better, the pill that I swallow before every meal, my plan. All the wrong things. I can be thankful that He has given me medicine, determination, goals, but I need to not put my trust in those, but put my trust in Him. So this week, I am focusing on being steadfast by trusting in Him, meditating on the verse from James, and the other verses I looked up regarding the Lord's own steadfastness in my life - He is a perfect example of steadfastness and that is who I should be looking to for how to be steadfast. Thanks be to Him and His grace to open my eyes so quickly to see the error of my where I am placing my trust and for Him to work in my heart to realign it.

How many times can one work in the word "steadfast" into a blog post? Answer: 13 times :)